Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
