I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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