The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
