I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
