I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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