Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
