I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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