You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
