her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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