Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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