i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will be naked everywhere
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
