Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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