fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize