We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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