FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
