your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
