That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
