Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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