I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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