If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
