that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
