My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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