hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
