I'm pants shitting drunk right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
