I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Soap is not a condiment
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
