He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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