apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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