glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
