Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
