I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
