Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
