I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
