I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
