do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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