This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
