fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
