So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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