We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
