my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize