he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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