i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
