I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
