the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
