Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
