You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
