JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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