Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
