Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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