I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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