school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
