great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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