Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
