That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
