Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
