I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
