I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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