allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
