oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
