I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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