I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
