I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
