I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
