you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
