omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
