i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
