I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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