I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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