Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
