It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
