he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
