4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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