why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
