wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
