would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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