everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
