He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
