he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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