it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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