Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
